Forty-six conceptual art pieces:

1. Describe a conceptual art piece in pencil on a piece of paper and then eat the paper. Don't tell anyone what you wrote.

2. Install 32 fully functional urinals side by side along the walls of a museum exhibition room. Don't install any washbasins, paper towel dispensers or hot air hand dryers. Leave the room unattended.

3. Send a picture postcard of Michelangelo's "David" to the Director of MoMA (i.e. the Museum of Modern Art) with a note on the back saying, "This is a picture of Rob Rauschenburg if I say so."

4. Each time you eat out, before you leave try to arrange your napkins, tableware, dishes and leftover food to look like architecture by I.M. Pei surrounded by a sculpture garden by Claus Oldenburg.

5. Show up naked at dawn at a pre-arranged gathering, have several artists quickly paint you to look like an American flag, tie your ankles together (comfortably if possible) and haul you feet first up a flag pole where you recite your favorite poem by Walt Whitman from memory.

6. Barricade the doors to a public library from the outside with bundles of books, magazines and newspapers.

7. Convince a well-established, financially successful New York painter to take a job for a short period of time as a waiter. Create a documentary video if necessary.

8. Open a convenience store inside a gallery exhibition room for one month.

9. Keep a dream diary. Create an installation that consists of the framed pages of your dream diary and one or more TVs and VCRs playing a video tape of you sleeping.

10. Paint tire tracks down the halls, around the corners up the walls and across the ceilings of a museum space to look as if they were created by a sport utility vehicle.

11. Take a job as a construction worker. During your breaks, use your time to arrange bricks, 2x4 studs or flagstones as available to look like pieces by Carl Andre. Take photographs of the work. Include your co-workers in the photographs if possible. Use the photos in an exhibit.

12. Print this list and carry it around in your billfold or purse. Use the back of each page as scratch paper to write names, phone numbers, addresses and appointments.

13. Have several individuals with diverse socio-economic backgrounds living in the same city each carry a global positioning system (GPS) device around with them for one week. Have each of them record their GPS readings at specific times of the day and night. Pick a color code for each participant. Plot and connect the coordinates for each participant on a map of the city. Display the maps in a gallery or museum.

14. Advertise that you are performing a recital of John Cage's "4'33"" (Four Minutes, Thirty-Three Seconds) at a theatre or auditorium. After the audience is seated, raise the curtain to show a piano bench and no piano. Walk onto the stage and sit on the bench. Begin playing a pre-recorded version of the piece as performed before a live audience. At the end of the recording, stand up and leave the stage.

15. As an installation, hire several house painters to paint the walls of a gallery space any color other than white. At the end of the show have the same painters return and paint the walls their original color.

16. Obtain a list of individuals and organizations purchasing paintings and sculpture at auction. Create a documentary video based on interviews of the individuals responsible for the purchases.

17. Create a non-profit art organization seeded with approximately $50,000. Provide a one-time $1000 grant to any artist who will use the money for one of the projects in this list.

18. At a major art conference, sponsor a panel discussion on interventionist art. Include half a dozen practicing artists as participants. Attach a device capable of administering an electric shock to each participant. Allow any participant in the panel to administer an electric shock to any other participant for any reason at any time during the discussion.

19. After establishing the criteria and the context for the selection of specific paintings from a museum collection, create a show from the pieces selected. Mount or display the paintings with the front of the paintings facing the wall and only the title cards to identify the paintings.

20. Become a participant on a nationally televised game show. When the host asks you what you do for a living, tell him you are a performance artist. Try very hard to win.

21. Create a painting listing the names of all patrons, donors, employees and exhibiting artists in alphabetical order for the museum in which the painting is exhibited.

22. On any weekend, attend the openings of several well-publicized art exhibits in New York and covertly take photographs of the art in each exhibit. The following weekend, display the photographs in your own well-publicized exhibit.

23. At the entrance to a trailer park, construct a shallow, 20' diameter pond. Inside the pond create a scale replica of Robert Smithson's "Spiral Jetty" from broken cinder blocks. Place several ducks in the pond. Encircle the pond with a cyclone fence so that the ducks won't be harmed by passing cars.

24. Park several Ford 150 pickup trucks in a well-ventilated exhibition space. Place butane stoves on the lowered tailgates. On opening night, cook hotdogs and hamburgers on the butane stoves and serve them with beer and soft drinks from coolers placed in the truck beds. Place several large-screen TVs around the room tuned to ABC's Monday Night Football.

25. Attach sensors to capture your pulse and respiration. Transmit the signals via radio frequency to a nearby PC. Transmit the signals from the PC over the Internet to an installation where your vital signs are displayed in fifteen second intervals on a large-screen TV connected to a set top box.

26. Create audio recordings from your favorite television commercials, game shows and talk shows. Mix the voices a cappella to create a piece that corresponds as closely as possible in pitch and modulation to Glenn Gould's "The Idea of North."

27. In a formal ceremony, create a Buddhist sand painting of the Coca-Cola logo inside the Purina logo inside the AT&T logo.

28. Continually check the parking meters during a weekday in a 3-4 block area near the "Mall" in Washington, D.C. Put money in any meter that threatens to run out of time. Maintain a record of the automobile license plate, date and time and dollar amount for each meter into which you put money.

29. Stand at the entrance to an on ramp of any major freeway in Dallas during peak traffic periods holding a sign that reads, "Will provide second HOV lane passenger for free." (HOV means high occupancy vehicle.) Interview each driver that picks you up.

30. Create a photocopy of Rauschenburg's "Erased De Kooning." Use Liquid Paper to remove the remaining marks.

31. Create an eyeball approximately 6' in diameter out of translucent materials. Place a film projector in front of the eye. Project a film through the pupil to the back of the eye where the image appears to be both upside down and convex. Title the piece "Panofsky's Eye."

32. Replace one city block of concrete sidewalk in a poor, urban neighborhood with sections resembling the Hollywood "Walk of Fame." Place the names of local residents inside the stars.

33. Solicit artists' donations of hand made "Fabrege" eggs for fund raising purposes. Have art patrons donate $100 each to participate in an Easter egg hunt for the eggs.

34. Place the items in this list, one each, into an empty wine bottle with a cork in the top. Instead of throwing the bottles into the ocean, place one of the bottles at the entrance to each of forty-five museums.

35. Volunteer to work after hours performing janitorial services for a university museum or gallery.

36. Have three artists 6-7 months pregnant perform a dance on stage in front of three large screens. Have the dancers lie down as three other dancers bring ultrasound devices on stage. Have the second set of dancers use the ultrasound devices to show the babies inside the first set of dancers projected onto the large screens.

37. Stand at the entrance to an art opening and ask people to submit to a metal detector test.

38. Create an exhibit consisting of front and profile photos, names, social security numbers and fingerprints of local artists.

39. Fill a fifty cent vending machine with little plastic eggs containing keychain telescopes. Place a see through photographic image of Marcel Duchamp's "Etant Donnes" inside each telescope.

40. Create a Barbie and Ken collection with Jeff Koons playing the part of Ken.

41. Buy one share of stock from each of twelve leading Internet companies. Create origami from the stock certificates. Display the origami in an exhibit.

42. Obtain a menu from a four-star restaurant. Next to each entrée on the menu, write a number corresponding to the percentage the entrée is of the average per capita income in the United States, China and Russia.

43. Commission several artists to create new, unsigned work for you based upon their own styles and concepts. Have them sell the work and all rights as part of the commission. Exhibit the work in your own one-person show promoting yourself as a commission artist.

44. Think of a conceptual art piece. Forget it. Think of another. Forget it.

45. Create an interactive web site containing this book on a wireless chip. Surgically implant the chip along with a kinetically rechargeable battery in your body.