The Rapture

Chapter 1

Michael Harold

Fact is, it was over a week before things really began to sink in. I told myself I couldn’t believe it, but I did believe it. Behind my own back I believed it. I knew it for a fact and that’s why I just said it. After that, everything seemed to slow down quite a bit, at least for me. Don't know why. Just did.

I didn’t get any calls to work from my usual customers, so there wasn’t much else to do but sit out on the porch swing or lie on the couch and watch the news on TV. The news didn’t mention one thing about it. Just the usual bunch of well-dressed people talking calmly into the camera while the usual bunch of hell-raising went on in the background. I tended to cut it off after a while and read instead.

Every so often some car would come tearing down the road making an awful racket. All I could picture was some poor, lost soul with his hair on fire in a big hurry to get somewhere when he knew there was nowhere to go.

Otherwise it was kind of quiet.

I stayed drunk until the beer ran out. I had my usual icebox full out back, so that took about three days. I now refer to it in my mind as the case of the last beer. I don't remember too much about it except for one thing. I remember cleaning my shotgun, drunk as a cooter, and I kept loading it and unloading it and cleaning and drinking and so forth and so on until I finally just passed out. When I woke up and saw the thing lying next to me on the bed with the end of the barrel pointed right at my face it scared hell out of me so I locked it back in the gun cabinet and flushed the key down the toilet.

I had a couple more bad days after that. I had to dry out I guess.

Then I started reading the Bible, although I don't know why. I had never read it much before. At first, reading the Bible made about as much sense as checking the numbers on a week old lottery ticket. I read a little bit here and a little bit there -- about all sorts of things. Like I always do, I finally just jumped to the back of the book to see the ending, how everything was eventually going to turn out. That was where I found the Book of Revelation -- a very scary story, let me tell you. Anyway, when I found out about all of the plagues that were going to be visited upon us, I almost decided I was right to get drunk the first time. It said you wouldn't die if you jumped off a cliff but I knew if I went down to the Lucky Stop I'd likely as not get shot and I just wasn’t going to chance it. I know from personal experience that people get crazy once things start changing faster than they can keep up. It’s bad enough when times are normal, but this was worse than reality TV.

As the days grew longer I found I had more time to think. It's good to think. To reflect on your life. To know where you're going and remember where you've been. Most people never take the time, though.

I know I never did.

Now I constantly wonder at all the mystery in the world. The mystery of the trees and of the sun and moon and every living thing and why anything should even be here at all. The mystery of myself and why I should even be here at all. It would make more sense if nothing was here. But it is. That's the part I can't figure.

Mostly I miss Mary. I'm just grateful her and the baby are doing alright.

Why am I telling you this? Don't know. Just am.

I remember the day it all started. Every single bit of it. I remember it the way you remember being sick with a fever, or your first kiss, or your first fight. The sight, the sound and the smell of it. All those feelings and things there just aren't any words for. It's hard to explain. Everybody remembers times like that -- you know, the way the light comes just so through a window and you remember every tiny bit of it, exactly the way it was, all the rest of your life.

I was up early for a Sunday, around six o'clock. I took a bath, shaved and had a couple of beers for breakfast. Yeah, that was me. With all the best intentions I was still a regular Budweiser poster child. I was putting some pieces in our thousand-and-one 3-D Elvis picture puzzle we had gotten for a wedding present when I heard Mary throwing up in the bathroom so I went in and held her head. She's got the prettiest hair.

You'd like Mary if you ever saw her. She's the most beautiful woman I ever knew. Beautiful on the outside and on the inside. There's lots of beautiful women in the world, but there's no one else like Mary. She's one of those people you can tell things about yourself -- shameful things -- and she'll never point a finger or say an unkind word about it -- to you or anybody else. I never was much of a talker, but when I met Mary I told her things I had never even told myself. She is easy to love and trusting as a child and I guess that's why I married her. That and selfishness on my part. Except for her aunt, she had no family. Except for Merle, neither did I. I guess I thought, since we were both nearly alone in the world, I would never have to share her with anybody.

Mary's a gentle spirit. Always has been. Not like most preachers and other holy-roller types. Just a real simple faith. If it wasn't for her I would never have gone to church in the first place. And never missed it, either.

I went into the bathroom and she was retching hard into the toilet with the dry heaves. It hurt me to see her like that. I put cold rags on the back of her neck until she quit throwing up. Then I got her back in the bed and kissed her. We'd been married two months.

"Hey," I said, "are you alright? Do you feel good enough to get dressed for church?"

"Not really," she said. "My stomach doesn't feel very good. I'm afraid I'm liable to get in the middle of Brother Skip's sermon and suddenly have to throw up all over everybody."

It had always seemed a miracle to me how anybody could keep from it but all I said was, "Yeah, that would be a shame."

I knew better than to try and beg off from church. She would make herself go then whether I liked it or not.

Since I was going to have to go by myself I went back in the kitchen and had a couple of more beers to steady my nerves. Then I chewed up half a pack of Wrigley's so nobody would smell it on me once I got to church. I had only been saved two months and people were still keeping a sharp eye on me so I wouldn't backslide.

After I got dressed I had another beer and fit some more pieces in our puzzle. I was waiting until the last minute so I wouldn't have to hobnob with anybody once I got to church.

Mary had fallen asleep when I left.

Looking back, it seems like it was the perfect day . . .

As a general rule I tend to drive like a maniac, but this particular morning I was taking it easy. The sky was pale blue and dotted here and there with clouds white as milk and fluffed up like cotton. The sun was still coming up through the trees and at the tops it broke through in places making it look like bits of lace scattered overhead. On the other side of the road the woods were still in shadow.

Every so often there'd be a pasture with a few cows milling around and a couple of oil rigs slowly rocking back and forth like giant crows trying to pull stick worms out of the ground.

One thing I’ve always believed is that everyone has gifts. One of mine is showing up at the last minute. Like always, I had timed it just about right. When I got to church everybody was inside except Brother Skip Simoneaux. He was still standing outside in his white bucks waiting for latecomers.

Somebody once told me he was called Skip because when he was a high school football star he always used to take a little skip before kicking the ball. I always wondered if it wasn't because of that time he shot himself in the foot dove hunting. It gave him a limp.

"Why good morning Brother Waite and how are you this fine morning?" he asks I walk up.

"Oh, just fine," I say.

"Where's the wife?" he says. "I hope she's alright."

"Oh, its nothing. Just a little morning sickness." Then and there, just like that I realized I'd messed up big time.

He gets this real sickly-sweet smile on his face and says, "Well I'll be. . . . Isn't this a little soon after the wedding to be having a baby?"

I didn't say anything else. I just walked on in.

I could of kicked myself at first but then I thought, "There's nothing to be done about it now," so I found a seat at the very back near the door and tried to relax. The windows were all open and the sunshine was pouring in. Outside a mockingbird was singing.

I looked across the aisle and saw Little Joe Little marking something in his hymn book with a pencil. Poor little guy's Dad stays in jail. Missus Little reached over very calmly and popped him on the back of his head and he quit. She's a pretty woman, Audry Little. Some folks gossip about her and the preacher. Life's a lot harder on some than on others is all I know. I’ve made a lot of messes in my own life. Judge not lest ye be judged is all I’ve got to say.

Right then the organist started up and the choir marched into the choir loft from a side door. Like always the first one out was old Brother Lucien Bass. He looks a couple of hundred years old and he can't sing, but he was always swearing that the Lord had promised him he would see the return of the Savior and that the loft was a good place to see it from.

Bringing up the tail end was Billy Hayes. Billy tickles me because he'd always fall asleep right in the middle of Brother Skip's sermons and snore, mouth hanging open so wide you could almost count his teeth if you could find them. He chewed tobacco.

The last ones in were Brother Skip and our Music Director, Brother Bob Wilkerson. Brother Bob was always sporting this beige jacket with these little silver wagon wheels on the pockets. He said he bought it back when he was a big Nashville singing star, before he gave it up to do the Lord's work.

After everybody got settled the choir joined in with the organist and did "Walk Around The Throne."

Then we all stood up and sang "At The Cross." If you weren't careful you'd swear you heard a screech owl somewhere but it was only Brother Bass.

When we got through singing the ushers came to the front to pass the collection plates. After they finished collecting they took them up and put them on a little table in front of the pulpit.

Then Brother Skip walked up to the pulpit, looked over into the collection plates and said, "Now I'm not going to get up here and preach about tithing. We all know that it says in the Bible a man shall give a tenth of his salary to the Lord. . . . Well, I'm just not going to preach about it!"

He started talking instead about the Fourth of July picnic that was coming up, how he hoped Sister Little would make some of his favorite potato salad. Then he talked a little bit about patriotism, the flag and our boys in blue. So far, so good.

Then he said, "Sister Mary Waite has been blessed with a child and only two months after the marriage. Praise the Lord! Don't He work in strange and mysterious ways?!"

Just about everybody in that whole church turned around to look at me when he said that. I just smiled. They turned back around.

Then he started talking about a dream he had, that an angel of the Lord had come to him and told him about the Lord's plan. And his soul was joyous to share it with us. And the more he talked the more excited he got and pretty soon he was yelling like all get-out about the Lord's plan.

". . . You know Brothers and Sisters, everybody wants to do what's right! Everybody wants to do the right thing! Everybody's got it in their heart they know what's right! They got a plan in their heart to follow that they know what's right!-----But let me tell you Brothers and Sisters there ain't but one plan to follow and that's God's plan! And God's plan is for you to worship Him and adore Him and do His will. So you say Yea! -- I want to do God's will but what is it? Well I'll tell you what God's will is Brothers and Sisters. God's will is for you to follow His laws and the words of His only begotten Son, Jesus Christ. God's will is for you to keep your womenfolk clean and pure and not let them go around dressed like a bunch of harlots. God’s will is for men not to sleep with men, and women with women, not to drink and smoke and curse and gamble. And God's will is for you kids to honor your father and mother and not talk back all the time. And God's will is for you men not to lust after women for as Jesus Christ said, whosoever looks after a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. And God's will is for you not to go worshipping after false idols: idols like pride, and the flesh, and new cars, and fancy dresses and money. And God's will is for you to support His church. And not just with your witnessing but with your tithe for it says in the Bible that a man shall give a tenth of his earnings to the Lord for His work!

Now I know some of you are looking at me and thinking, you old hypocrite, just because I drive a nice car and wear nice clothes. But let me tell you, you're not keeping that money from me -- You're keeping it from the Lord. And that money's not yours to give or keep anyway. You don't have any say so about taxes and you don't have any say so about this. If you don't give it to the Lord this way, He'll take it another. Maybe a flat tire or your house will burn down or you might get sick and have to go to the hospital and lose your job or worse. But you better believe it, Brothers and Sisters, something will happen. You think I need this money for myself. I don't. I used to make more money selling vacuum cleaners in a week than most of you have ever seen at one time in your whole life. Now I'm not going to go on and on about this but you remember what I say. It says in the Bible that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter into heaven. If you want to burn in Hell with your pockets full of money that's your business. And let me tell you something else. Those people that think Hell is just some kind of mythological symbol, I feel sorry for you. When you're jumping up and down, holding your behind with both hands you're going to be thinking mythological symbol. You ever burn the tip of your finger? You know how much that hurts. Well, Hell ain't no wading pool. It's a lake of fire. And when they drop you in they drop you in head first -- You just wait. Now, I'm going to pass these plates one more time and I'm going to sit here quietly until they get back. No organ music, please."

Then he took out this pocket Zippo, opened it, lit it, turned it all the way up and set it on top of the pulpit where everybody could see it.

I'm a welder by trade, got my own rig and everything, and I used to make pretty good money. Because of Mary I tithe everything I make anyway. But looking at that lighter flicker and sputter I figured it wouldn't hurt to put in an extra twenty. I wasn't the only one thinking that way. The collection plate looked much healthier the second time around.

When they got through the ushers brought the plates back up front. Brother Skip looked at them and said, "That's better."

He started talking again about sins in general, of the flesh and of the spirit -- everything from long hair and short skirts to being like the Pharisees in the temple and thanking the Lord for making you better than anybody else.

He was going really strong and amens were starting to break out here and there. I figured he might really have been visited by an angel when I saw that Billy Hayes hadn't gone to sleep yet but was only nodding his head.

Now I'm going to mention something that on the surface probably seems to have no place in a conversation of this nature. Here it is. I suddenly felt a strong need to go to the bathroom. Number One. Of course it was the beer. There was no way I could excuse myself so I started amenin' and rocking back and forth a little bit to ease the pressure. Having to pee real bad keeps your mind marvelously focused. I think that's one reason I remember all this stuff in such detail. I also mention this because I know now that everything happens for a reason.

Anyway, by this time Skip was talking about the Lord's rewards for His good children and about how He was coming again to take the Faithful to His bosom. And every time he'd yell something out everybody would yell back, "Amen! -- Amen Brother!"

" . . . For it says in the Bible there will be wars and rumors of wars!"

"Amen!"

"And we got wars and rumors of wars!"

"Amen!"

"And there will be plagues and famines and all manner of terrible things happening!"

"Amen Brother!"

"But the Lord will look down on His children and have compassion and take them to Him for He knows that they believe in His Son, Jesus Christ, for it says in the Bible whosoever believes on the Lord Jesus Christ shall be saved!"

"Amen Brother! Hallelujah!"

"I tell you Brothers and Sisters, the Second Coming is close at hand!"

"Amen!"

"The Rapture is close at hand!"

"Amen! Tell it, Brother!"

"And we're going to be ready, Brothers and Sisters!"

"Amen!"

"We're gonna be waiting with open arms when Jesus comes in all His glory wearing His golden belt and surrounded by hosts of angels for the wages of sin is death but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord who died that we might be saved who suffered that we wouldn't have to burn in the everlasting flames of Hell so lift up your arms Brothers andSistersraiseupyourarmsandlettheLordknowwe'llbereadywhentheskysplitsasunderandHecomesdowntoclaimHisown!!"

"Amen Brother! Tell it!!"

I don't know how he did it but he had everybody in that church yelling praises to the Lord and jumping up and down and waving their arms and Bibles around their heads and us not even Pentecostal.

I was jumping up and down and waving my arms and shouting just as loud as anybody else. I was about to split I had to pee so bad.

Needing to go like I did, I was wondering if I couldn't just sneak out of the church, relieve myself, and sneak back in without being noticed. I was about to do just that when I suddenly heard the most god-awful scream I ever heard in my life!

Everybody in that church shut up and was turned to see where it came from. I figured it must have been Missus Little. She was standing there with her eyes bugged out staring at Little Joe like he was -- I don’t know, Elvis escaped from the aliens maybe. I didn't notice anything unusual about him except he seemed to have grown a little taller. After a minute, though, it occurred to me that he was still growing for he was just about as tall as his Mama and him only seven years old. Every soul in that church was just standing there with their mouths hanging open not making a sound.

The only sounds in the place was coming from Little Joe who was still waving his arms in the air shouting, "I'm coming Lord! I'm coming for my reward!"

It didn't occur to me what was really happening 'til I saw Little Joe's feet clear the top of the pew. I noticed his pants were a little short from the way they fit over his dingo boots. They were way up past the buckles.

Well, that did it! When they saw his feet everybody else started shouting "I'm coming Lord! I'm coming to my just reward!" and jumping off the pews. The folks up in the choir loft were climbing up to the top step and jumping down. Even Brother Skip was dancing around up at the pulpit. The place looked like an electric corn popper.

Since I didn't notice anybody else was making too much headway I looked back at Little Joe. He was just about to the ceiling and while I watched he bounced a couple of times like a gas balloon and came to rest flat on his back. Then he rolled over and started crawling upside down like a fly toward the window. The whole time he kept yelling, "I'm coming Lord -- I'm coming!"

Everybody else must of realized they weren't making too much progress either because they stopped jumping up and down and looked up at Little Joe just in time to see him crawl through the window.

They all stood there staring at each other for what seemed like forever, trying to figure out what to do next.

All of a sudden Brother Skip yelled out, "This ain't the Rapture!-----It's just Little Joe acting like a 'Tom Fool'!"

Then everybody turned and looked at Missus Little like it was her responsibility.

That poor woman didn't know what to do. She yelled at Little Joe through the window, "Little Joe Little, you get your self down here right this minute and quit embarrassing me in front of all these people!" but all we could see of Little Joe by that time was his dingo boots hanging down outside the window kicking and then they disappeared.

Well, we were all outside in a wink and I looked up to see if the sky was split asunder but all I could see was a couple of clouds hanging low over the tree tops.

Some folks started jumping off the hoods of their cars or their truck beds as soon as they got outside. Some of the women started crying. That’s because women are smarter than men. They know which way is up.

I heard somebody yell for a ladder and a rope and I ran around to the side of the building to see how Little Joe was making out. He was tilted at about a forty-five degree angle like he was about to tip over backwards. His feet were about even with the gutters and he looked to me like he was starting to pick up speed. His Mama was still calling for him to come down but he just kept on waving his arms and staring off into space shouting praises to the Lord . . . like he saw something none of the rest of us did.

By that time another one of our deacons, Frank Thomas, had gotten a ladder and propped it up against the building and was climbing up trying to grab Little Joe's feet, but Little Joe managed to stay just out of reach. He climbed up on the roof and somebody threw him a rope to lasso Little Joe with but by then it was too late.

I don't know whether it was desperation or inspiration that forced him to it, but Brother Thomas took a big running leap off that building after Little Joe, came down like a sack of potatoes and let out a scream when he hit. The way he was moaning and groaning I figured he must of hurt himself pretty bad, but when I went over to help he started cursing and carrying on like some kind of nut so I let him be.

Everybody else was starting to act pretty crazy too. I know from personal experience that denial and rationalization will only get you so far in a situation like this. Almost everybody had given up jumping off things, but some of the men were raving and ranting and most of the women were crying and ringing their hands except Missus Little who was just staring up at Little Joe getting littler and littler.

It seemed to me by then that things were completely out of hand so I looked around to see where Brother Skip was. I figured if anybody could get things under control it was him, but he was nowhere in sight.

I suddenly remembered I still needed to pee really bad, really quick. Since every other social convention seemed to have gone out the window with along with Little Joe, I decided I might as well do it outside. Not to seem completely without manners, I went around to the other, unpopulated side of the church and who do I see but Brother Skip all splayed out with his back up against the wall like he was trying to look in ten directions at once. When he saw me he and I both jumped about a foot.

I said, "Skip, these people are acting like a box of nutbars! You've got to set things straight right now!"

He motioned for me not to talk so loud and whispered, "It's too late! It's too late! There's nothing I can do!"

Right then someone on the other side of the church started yelling, "Where is that son-of-a-bitch Simoneaux?! He got us into this mess!"

Somebody else shouted, "If I get my hands on him I'll kill him! I swear it!" It was Brother Bass.

I have never seen anybody move as fast as I saw Brother Skip take off when he heard that. It wasn't two or three seconds before he had disappeared into the woods limp and all!

It was lucky he took off when he did, because as soon as he took off, somebody looked around the corner and yelled, "Here he is!" and a few seconds later most of the men came charging around both ends of the church and disappeared into the woods after him.

I tried to pee then but I couldn't. I was in shock. I walked back around to the other side of the church.

Brother Thomas was still sitting there rubbing his ankle and groaning. How, I don't know, but Billy Hayes had fallen asleep under some dogwood trees. Some of the women were sitting on the ground getting their dresses all dirty and some were leaning against the building and some were standing and they were all crying like the Missouri except for Missus Little who was still staring up at Little Joe.

I went over to her and looked up myself but the sun was right in my eyes and Little Joe was pretty far away. I thought about getting my sunglasses from the truck, but I figured it might be too late by then. I couldn't hear him praising the Lord anymore but by shading my eyes with both hands it seemed like I could make out the bottoms of his dingo boots. . . two little black dots. In another minute he was gone.

I know up from down as well as anybody. I knew exactly what had just happened. Not a speck of doubt was in my mind. And then I suddenly felt a warmth go through me. It started at my middle and spread down over my legs. Oh, well, I thought. Compared to what everybody else was doing it just didn't seem like that big a deal.

Missus Little was still staring straight up but I was getting a crick in my neck so I straightened my head up. “Missus Little,” I said. “God bless Little Joe and God bless you. I’m going to go now.” She didn’t say anything.

Church was over.

I raced to the trailer and ran inside calling for Mary so I could tell her what had happened. I thought if anybody could explain the situation it was her. But she didn't answer. I ran back to the bedroom. Her purse was open on the bed. The room was empty. I knew right then what had happened and I panicked. I started screaming "Mary! Mary! Where are you?!" and running in and out of that trailer like a crazy man. I ended up back in the bedroom and I noticed the window was open. I ran back outside and looked up at the sky, but I couldn't see anything.

I didn't even bother to call anybody. I knew. I had never cried over anybody in my life, but I cried then -- like a baby. A little later I looked up at the ceiling over the bed and found the words "John 15:9 " marked on the ceiling in lipstick. I looked it up. Then I started drinking until I stopped, but I told you that already.